Journey through the Shadowlands

(This is the fifth entry of a series on forgiveness. Can you forgive the unrepentant?)

“He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed” (1 Peter 2:24).

At the foot of the cross we stand. We look up and come face to face with the reality of our own sin. Jesus Christ suffered God’s wrath against our sins. Willingly and lovingly Jesus obeyed the Father as he hung on the cross. Willingly and lovingly he went to his death for the forgiveness of our sins.

At the foot of the cross we humbly bow before our Savior and Lord. Here, by the grace of God, we are freely forgiven and brought to peace with God. Freely, for we cannot pay the price. Freely, for in his mercy and compassion the Father sacrificed his Son. Freely, for the Son in his mercy and compassion died on the cross becoming our sin. Such an awful price was paid by God.

With our hearts continuing to be bowed in humility before the cross we live as children of God. How can we not forgive those who wrong us? When we refuse, like Peter when the rooster crowed the third time, we look toward Jesus and his eyes penetrate our hearts. Here is where our forgiving begins, at the foot of the cross. As the forgiven and as imitators of Christ forgiveness is to be ingrained on our hearts and in our nature as children of God. “As Christ has forgiven you.”¹

“When they came to the place called the Skull, there they crucified him, along with the criminals–one on his right, the other on his left. The people stood watching, and the rulers even sneered at him…The soldiers also came up and mocked him” (Luke 23:33, 35, 36). The forces of evil gathered around the cross. Jesus was abandoned by friends and followers, given over to his enemies. “He stared into the abyss of evil. His choice was clear: join it or defy it.”² Jesus chose to defy evil. He forgave his enemies. “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).

Enraged by Stephen’s preaching of Jesus as the Christ, the mob stoned him to death. “While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, ‘Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.’ Then he fell on his knees and cried out, ‘Lord, do not hold this sin against them.’ When he had said this, he fell asleep” (Acts 7:59-60).

What do we do with the way Jesus defied evil with forgiveness? How do we respond to Stephen’s imitation of Christ, facing down evil with forgiveness? What is our response when faced with wrong done to us, with an offender who has not repented, who refuses to listen, and who couldn’t care less? When that offender is no longer in our lives and there will be no opportunity to hear and experience his repentance? Do we join him in his wrong doing by holding on to anger? Do we hold a grudge in bitterness and resentment? Do we allow the wound to fester and the infection to worsen?

“Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you….if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back….If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?…And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ lend to ‘sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful” (Luke 6:27-36).

Read the above again. Open your Bible and read the complete text. Enemies, are they not those who refuse to admit wrong doing, to accept responsibility, and to repent? Those you know will not pay to you what they owe you, a good description of those who refuse to repent for wrong done to you. Jesus is telling us to let go of the anger and the hatred. The bitterness, the resentment, the desire to get our just due, the desire for vengeance, Jesus teaches to replace these with love. In that love he tells us to do good to our enemies, bless them, pray for them, do not demand payment. Imitate the Father being kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful towards them as God is merciful. I see forgiveness within this teaching. Yes, forgiveness of the unrepentant. As the Father sees us all, Jesus wants us to see the wrongdoer not through the wrong, but as he is, a weak human being.

Vera was a victim of a date rape while in college decades ago. Though long past, the memory was still very much alive. When remembered or shared the pain was felt again. Those strong negative emotions flooded back into her heart. Memories come out of no where, at the most unexpected times. A smell, a chance encounter, a song, a news story, opens the door from that secret place where memories hide and they attack the heart replaying the details, invoking the emotions.

A choice had to be made Vera realized. She had to decide to remain a victim or to overcome what happened to her. If she continued to wallow in bitterness, resentment, hatred, and the desire for vengeance, her life would continue to be controlled by an enemy, by the person who committed that horrible sin against her.

Vera decided she had to stare down the abyss of the evil that had devastated her life, defy it, and imitate Christ. She had to make the decision, trust Christ, and love her enemy and forgive him in imitation of her Father. She said, “I have forgiven him. That doesn’t mean I have to trust him with my life. Believe me, I don’t. I am working to love him as an enemy.” She had to work on compassion and empathy toward her enemy, praying for his well-being, for his good. Yes, praying he would face his sin and change his life.³

Someone will point to Luke 17:3-4, “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.” The implication some argue is that if there is no repentance there can be, must not be, forgiveness. I believe this is a misunderstanding of the emphasis of Jesus’ words. If someone sins against us seven times in one day and each time comes back and repents most of us conclude that person isn’t repentant at all. The emphasis of Jesus, his point, is forgiveness. Patiently, with longsuffering, forgive, repeatedly if necessary. The point is, forgive.

Jesus on the cross, Stephen, Matthew 5, Luke 6, teach us we can, we must forgive even if there is no repentance. One more biblical text I suggest you read is Genesis 33. Did not Esau let go of his anger and hatred? It appears to me he forgave his brother Jacob long before Jacob came home and approached his brother in repentance.

Don’t let the sun go down on your anger, Paul warns us in Ephesians 4. Rid your heart of bitterness, rage, slander, maliciousness. Replace these with kindness, compassion, and forgiveness. Waiting on the wrongdoer to repent, time passes, perhaps he never comes in repentance. The wound, the hurt, and the pain fester. You find yourself controlled by the one who hurt you, even if he is no longer in your life. You continue to suffer from the pain of the hurt inflicted. You victimize yourself repeatedly with what was done to you.

Forgiveness is about healing the hurt within you. Forgiveness is the healing of your anger, bitterness, and resentment. It is setting yourself free from the control of what was done to you, freeing yourself from the control of the person who hurt you. You do not have to wait for permission from the person who wronged you to forgive him. Sometimes he doesn’t care. Forgiveness is still forgiveness even if it stops within the forgiver’s heart, refused by the forgiven.

Reconciliation, the restoration of the relationship, bringing the relationship back to what it was before or better, this is a goal, the ideal outcome of forgiveness. Reconciliation, however, is not necessary for forgiveness to take place. To forgive someone who is unrepentant, who refuses to say he is sorry, who will not take responsibility for what he did, is not welcoming him back as if nothing happened. If he wants to come back, he must come with sorrow. He must come with repentance, accepting responsibility for his actions.⁴

To give the gift of forgiveness is to make the decision to let go of the resentment and bitterness. Forgiveness is the decision to overcome evil with good, to love with the love of Christ, loving even an enemy. Yes, for the one being forgiven to receive that forgiveness, to accept it, requires sorrow, repentance, and taking responsibility for his actions. It is important for the wrongdoer to understand when he comes with repentance he does not earn the right to forgiveness or to demand forgiveness. Forgiveness is a gift, unearned, undeserved, to be freely given.⁵

A person cannot be made to repent. People are not like dogs to be pulled back on a leash. If someone who hurt you decides to stay away, to not repent, to not come back, let her be responsible for her own actions. An aside here as I have a concern for those who find themselves in abusive situations where the abuser comes back repeatedly, “I’m so sorry. I love you. If you just didn’t do the things that make me so angry!” First, this statement does not reflect repentance. “I’m sorry, but it is your fault,” is not repentance. Second, forgiveness is not welcoming back an abusive person submitting to his abuse repeatedly.

Why should we allow the unrepentant to keep us from forgiving, from letting go of the bitterness and resentment which are disrupting our lives? Why should we allow them to keep us from healing our souls by forgiving them?⁶

There is an old Jewish text, Testament of the Twelve Patriarchs, which teaches, “If a man sin against thee…if he repent and confess, forgive him…But if he be shameless, and persisteth in his wrongdoing even so forgive him from the heart, and leave to God the avenging.”⁷ The apostle Paul exhorts, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21). Smedes writes, “Forgiveness is real even if it stops at the healing of the forgiver….Should you sentence yourself to the escalator of hate simply because the person you need to forgive does not want your forgiveness?”⁸

Stephen had a choice in that awful moment. He could join the mob in its evil and die with anger, bitterness, resentment, and a cry for vengeance. He chose to love his enemies. Stephen chose to overcome evil with good, with grace, yes, with forgiveness.

“In Forgive for Good, Fred Luskin, director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, writes that forgiveness means you become ‘a hero instead of a victim in the story you tell.’”⁹

____________                                                                                                                ¹Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13; see also Matthew 6:14-15; 18:32-35; 5:43-48; Luke 6:35-36                                                                                                                                    ²Martha E. Stortz. “The Practice of Forgiveness: Disciples as Forgiven Forgivers” in Word & World (V. 27, No. 1, Winter 2007), 21.                                                                   ³Ibid., 19-20.                                                                                                                            ⁴Lewis B. Smedes. The Art of Forgiving, When You Need to Forgive and Don’t Know How (New York: Ballantine Books, 1996), 94.                                                                      ⁵Ibid.                                                                                                                                          ⁶Lewis B. Smedes. Forgive & Forget, Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve (New York: HarperOne, 1984, 1996), 69.                                                                                                    ⁷Ibid., 70.                                                                                                                                      ⁸Ibid.                                                                                                                                        ⁹Donald B. Kraybill, Steven M. Nolt, and David L. Weaver-Zercher, Amish Grace, How Forgiveness Transcended Tragedy (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2007), 140.

(This is the fourth entry of a series on forgiveness.)

Within the fallenness of this world, the reality of sin, and human weakness, forgiveness seems unnatural. God intends forgiveness to be natural and to be the norm in disciples of Christ. Oh Lord, how difficult it is! At times it just seems impossible to overcome the raw emotions of betrayal, hurt, anger, vengeance, and hatred. To have a heart of forgiveness with kindness and forbearance toward someone who has hurt us, someone toward whom we feel so just in despising, how Lord? How?

I know if we are going to see the need for forgiveness, if we are going to be able to forgive, if we are going to want to forgive, we need to remember. Remember and focus on the forgiveness we have received from God, and from others. “Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions…. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge” (Psalm 51:1, 3, 4). Peter reminds us of the cost Jesus Christ paid for our forgiveness. “He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed” (1 Peter 2:24). To see the need, to be able, to want, to forgive, we must remember and take responsibility for the fact of our own sins with an attitude of repentance and humility as did the psalmist David. We must remember with deep gratitude the extent to which God’s mercy, love, and compassion went to forgive us. Then we will be brought to our knees. Honesty with ourselves as we see in the words of David instills within our hearts a humility so vital to forgiving, to compassion, and to empathy. Such honesty with ourselves and with God, such humility, brings us to our knees in thanksgiving to God. In gratitude to God we cannot not forgive. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).

As we stew in our hurt and anger we need to think about what happened when we were offended. In the midst of disappointment, betrayal, rage, it is difficult, but we must honestly evaluate what happened. We need to seek a clear understanding of the person who wronged us. Was what happened a misunderstanding? Did he know what he was doing? Was it a lapse or has she made a career of this behavior? Understanding the person who offended us helps us to see him not only through the wrong done, but as a person who is weak. This is how God is with us. God “knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust” (Psalm 103:14). Knowing who we are, God “has compassion on those who fear him” (Psalm 103:13).

To be able to forgive we can’t shut down our feelings. We need to face our feelings and emotions. Name them. Express them. They need to be brought out into the open to ourselves. We need to talk to someone we trust about what happened and express what we are feeling and experiencing. It is good to trust someone who can help us find our way to forgiveness.

Pray. Be honest with God. Pour it all out. Seek his wisdom and his help. Thank him for the forgiveness he has given you.¹ 

It is important to remember forgiveness is not excusing. Forgiveness is not tolerating the intolerable. Allowing ourselves to be continually abused is not forgiveness. Forgiveness is not allowing people to get away with wrong. Also, forgiveness doesn’t change what happened. The consequences of what happened to the injured, the consequences for the offender, are not always changed by forgiveness. What forgiveness does change is how the offended handles the difficulties of what happened. Forgiveness doesn’t always take away the anger. It does heal the hate. The anger is turned into positive energy to prevent the wrong from happening again. This positive energy seeks justice when it is needed. It provides the strength to confront the sin. Forgiveness helps heal and restore the broken relationship, if that is possible (more on this in another post).

We know we are on the journey to healing and forgiveness when the resentment and bitterness begin to diminish. When we begin to look at the person who wronged us and not see only what he did we know we are on the journey to healing and forgiveness. We know we are on the journey to healing and forgiveness when we are able to look on the one who wronged us and ask God to bless this frail human being.

A Story of Forgiveness²

On March 12, 2007, Heather Fox was on her way to Bible class. She saw a young mother holding a diaper bag in one hand and a baby in the other, at the Walgreens at Poplar and Prescott in Memphis, TN. The young woman, Shani Butler, looked as if she was desperately in need. Heather offered her a ride. As Heather, Shani, and her baby, drove down the street, Shani, holding the baby carrier with one hand, reached with her other hand into her diaper bag. She pulled out a 40 caliber pistol and ordered Heather to drive to an ATM. At the intersection of Sam Cooper and Hollywood, Heather opened her door and tried to jump out of the car. Shani shot her in the back. Shani drove off with Heather’s car, leaving Heather lying in the street.

With every heartbeat Heather could hear her blood squirting out of her wound. She was bleeding to death while she cried for help. Ashley Sanders, eighteen years old, inexperienced and scared, came to Heather’s aid. Ashley used both her hands and applied pressure to the wound until paramedics arrived. She saved Heather’s life.

On March 24, 2009, two years after Shani shot Heather and left her to die, Shani was sentenced to twenty-two years in prison. At the trial Heather Fox spoke to Shani. “Shani, you almost took my life. Many people would be filled with anger from your actions, but the opposite is true for me….I cannot imagine what has happened in your life that led you to make the choice to put a gun in your diaper bag. I believe that it’s important that you pay the time for the crime you committed and I pray that you receive the help you need while in prison.”

Heather looked beyond what Shani did to see Shani as a person, to try to understand what led her to do what she did. Doing this helped Heather to heal her heart and to find peace. She replaced her negative emotions with compassion, kindness, and a desire for what is best and good for Shani. Heather did not excuse Shani’s crime. She believed justice was needed. Shani needed to be held accountable through facing the consequences of her actions. In an interview Heather expressed that she was grateful Shani was convicted on federal charges and the state charges dropped. Heather hoped Shani would receive the help she needs in a federal prison.

The apostle Paul exhorts us. “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21).

Remember the words of the fictional character Muir Powell? “Think of the sweetness of the morning light on a day we knowed we would not hate or be angry, accuse or fear anyone. That promise is not just a dream. It is possible right here, and it is in ourselves.”³

____________                                                                                                                       ¹Lewis B. Smedes. The Art of Forgiving, When You Need to Forgive and Don’t Know How (New York: Ballantine Books, 1996), 138-9.                                                                  ²Trey Heath, “Lifesaving bone,” www.commercialappeal.com, 7/18/2007; Lawrence Buser, “Carjacker sentenced to 22 years,” www.commercialappeal.com, 3/24/2009.          ³Robert Morgan. This Rock (Chapel Hill, NC: Algonquin Books of Chapel HIll, 2001), 310.

(This is the third entry of a series on forgiveness. A grace with which we all struggle.)

In his eulogy for his brother Moody, Muir Powell spoke of forgiveness. “Think of the sweetness of the morning light on a day we knowed we would not hate or be angry, accuse or fear anyone. That promise is not just a dream. It is possible right here, and it is in ourselves….Learn to forgive your neighbor and brother.”¹

Forgiveness is within ourselves. It cannot be forced or coerced or manipulated. Forgiveness is grace willingly and freely given. It comes from the heart, from within ourselves, from who we are as children of God–the forgiven. “Forgive your brother from your heart,” Jesus encouraged (Matthew 18:35).

Forgiveness is a two-sided coin. One side is the decision to forgive. The decision first is what to do with the hurt and the anger, with the desire to strike back, the desire to get even, and the desire to fight evil with evil. The decision is made to take control of your anger, emotions, and desires. You decide to let go of them and to forgive. You are not going to grudgingly hold the offense against the one who hurt you. No matter the strong desire to do so, you are not going to treat him as he treated you. You are going to seek to overcome evil with good. Remember the familiar words of Jesus, “do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you (Luke 6:27b-28).

The other side of the coin is forgiving with your emotions. Perhaps better stated, the journey of healing the heart filled with the raw emotions of the pain of being wronged. Taking the journey of healing hurt and betrayal felt within the heart. The difficult journey of healing when the heart has been so used and abused.

To allow the emotional pain to fester you victimize yourself with a troubled and bitter heart. Negative emotions take hold of your heart. They wreak havoc in your soul–resentment, hostility, hatred, bitterness, holding onto a grudge, obsessed with payback, and vengeance. What good do these accomplish? Harry Emerson Fosdick portrayed unforgiveness, “Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat.”²

With the Nickel Mines tragedy still fresh in his memory, an Amish man put it this way, “I I hold a grudge for one day, it is bad. If I hold it for two days, it’s worse. If I hold a grudge for a year, then that man is controlling my life. Why not just let go of the grudge now?”³

The second side of the coin, the most difficult and demanding side, is emotional forgiveness. This is a journey of healing which results in replacing the jumble of negative emotions with positive emotions like compassion, kindness, empathy, the desire to do good to the one who offended you, and the determination to do what is for the good of the wrong doer. This is the healing that enables you to see the wrong doer not through what he has done, but to see him for who he is, a person, with weakness like any other human being. It is the healing that gives you back the control of your life, of your mind, and of your heart.

We see this in the words of the apostle Paul. “And don’t sin by letting anger gain control over you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a mighty foothold to the Devil….Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he is the one who has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, and tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:26-27, 29-32 NLB).

____________                                                                                                                      ¹Robert Morgan. This Rock (Chapel Hill, NC: Algonquin Books of Chapel HIll, 2001), 310.  ²Everett L. Worthington, Jr. Forgiving and Reconciling, Bridges to Wholeness and Hope (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2003 [Orginally published as Five Steps to Forgiveness, 2001]), 22.                                                                                                          ³Donald B. Kraybill, Steven M. Nolt, and David L. Weaver-Zercher, Amish Grace, How Forgiveness Transcended Tragedy (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2007), 132.

(This is the second entry of a series on forgiveness. A grace with which we all struggle.)

This Rock, a novel by Robert Morgan, is the story of two brothers, Moody and Muir Powell. Moody and Muir lived in the southern Appalachian Mountains. The story takes place in the 1920s. Moody dies. Muir gives the eulogy.

“(Moody) taught me that we can learn from our mistakes, that we can grow to act on the better part of our natures, that we can change and learn to forgive, that we can go beyond our failures.

“But maybe even harder than learning from our mistakes is learning to forgive. It’s easy to say, ‘Forgive and forget.’ But how often do we really do it, especially if we feel wronged while we’re in the right? Do you forgive them in your family that have took your land, or cheated you out of an inheritance, or been cruel to your mama? Do you forgive them that have insulted you and mocked you?

“Think of the sweetness of the morning light on a day we knowed we would not hate or be angry, accuse or fear anyone. That promise is not just a dream. It is possible right here, and it is in ourselves….Learn to forgive your neighbor and brother. Not least of all, learn to forgive yourself. Show charity and respect for yourself. For no one is more important than you yourself.”¹

“Do you forgive them in your family that have took your land…?”² Forgiveness is honest, severely honest.³ Forgiveness is not being a pushover, a floor mat to be stepped on, meeting every wrong, every hurt, and every betrayal, with “There, there, you didn’t mean that, did you?”⁴ C. S. Lewis put it this way, “To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”⁵ What makes forgiveness so difficult is the fact that forgiveness is not about the excusable, the accidents, the times when your husband is sick, and you know he doesn’t really mean those harsh impatient words. Forgiveness is about the inexcusable. What happened, what was said or done, was wrong, injurious, undeserving, an inexcusable betrayal and injury.

Forgiveness doesn’t sweep the offense under the carpet. Forgiveness doesn’t excuse. Forgiveness faces head on the wrong, the sin, the betrayal, the hurt. “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him” (Luke 17:3). Nathan was severely honest with David. “You are the man!…Why did you despise the word of the LORD by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites” (2 Samuel 12:7, 9). David confessed his sin and repented. Nathan responded, “The LORD has taken away your sin” (2 Samuel 12:13).

Muir said, “Think of the sweetness of the morning light on a day we knowed we would not hate or be angry, accuse or fear anyone. That promise is not just a dream. It is possible right here.”⁶

Jesus taught us to pray, “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). When someone wrongfully hurts you he owes you. He owes you an acceptance of responsibility and of blame for the wrong he has done. An apology is owed. Restitution is owed if possible. You are owed justice.

Wrongful hurt, injustice, violation, betrayal, stir within us anger and many strong emotions. We need the anger, the emotions, to give us energy and strength to honestly face what has happened. The wrong committed must be confronted. The offender needs to be held accountable for his actions and words. Protest needs to be made. Rebuke needs to be given. “You are the man! And here is what you have done.” God’s anger and wrath are seen in his response to David’s sin in 2 Samuel 12.

Unlike God, the danger for we human beings is falling into bitterness. How easy it is to hold onto a grudge. The victim of a wrong can become obsessed with payback and vengeance. We soon find our thinking, our attitude, our daily living, continually filled with bitterness and negativity. The wrong done to us, the offender, controls us when we cannot forgive. I have known people who were miserable for much of their lives because they could not forgive. They could not let go of the bitterness and anger. Past wrongs, long gone, had a hold on their lives. The irony was that their lives were chained to the wrong they never forgave while the offender went on with life.

Forgiveness is canceling the debt. Forgiveness is arriving at that point where you can let go of the anger, the resentment, and bitterness. You no longer hold the wrong over the head of the offender. Forgiveness ceases to see the offender only through the wrong he has done to you.

When you can see the sweetness of the morning light, a new day without hate or anger, accusation or fear, you have forgiven. “You forgave the iniquity of your people and covered all their sins. You set aside all your wrath and turned from your fierce anger” (Psalm 85:2-3).

“It is possible right here,” Muir exhorted. “And it is in ourselves.”⁷ The source of forgiveness is within us, within hearts touched by the grace of God in Jesus Christ. Such hearts will make the tough decision to forgive.

Muir realized the importance of forgiving self in our being able to forgive others. “Not least of all, learn to forgive yourself. Show charity and respect for yourself. For no one is more important than you yourself.”⁸ Forgiveness is about healing the hurt within you. The wounds within must be healed. If left unhealed, those wounds will fester into bitterness. You will allow the hurt, the wounds, to continue to victimize you. You will be victimizing yourself.

What if there is no repentance, no apology, no restitution, or no opportunity to confront and rebuke? What about justice? Are forgiveness and justice opposed to one another? These questions we will address in another blog. I asked them here to inform you that I know these questions are there and are important. Whatever the answers will be, what we are discussing now will not be negated.

Forgiveness is at the core of our identity as children of God. It is at the core of our relationship with God. We are the forgiven. Forgiveness is the dearest and costliest gift God gives us. As the forgiven God has called us to be forgivers. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).

“Think of the sweetness of the morning light on a day we knowed we would not hate or be angry, accuse or fear anyone. That promise is not just a dream. It is possible right here, and it is in ourselves….Learn to forgive your neighbor and brother. Not least of all, learn to forgive yourself. Show charity and respect for yourself.”⁹                                                   ____________                                                                                                                     ¹Robert Morgan. This Rock (Chapel Hill, NC: Algonquin Books of Chapel HIll, 2001), 309-10.                                                                                                                                                  ²Ibid.                                                                                                                                          ³Lewis B. Smedes. The Art of Forgiving, When You Need to Forgive and Don’t Know How (New York: Ballantine Books, 1996), 59.                                                                     ⁴Allen C. Guetzo. “Fear of Forgiving” in Christianity Today (2/8/1993), 43.                    ⁵C. S. Lewis. “On Forgiveness” in The Weight of Glory: And Other Addresses (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 2001 [1949, 1976, 1980]), 182.                                              ^{6, 7, 8, 9}Morgan.

(This is the first entry of a series on forgiveness. A grace with which we all struggle.)

Debt is a subject about which Americans have a great deal of knowledge. Well at least we have a great amount of debt. We speak of debt when describing money borrowed and owed. Debt is also used to describe a criminal paying his debt to society by the time he serves in prison, by the punishment he is given. Both of these meanings of debt are used in Scripture to speak of sin.

Sin places a person in debt to God. A payment must be made. Justice must be satisfied. The debt must be paid by the punishment received. The debt must also be paid, if possible, by undoing as much of the harm as can be undone. This is true also in human relationships. When one person sins against another person, she is in debt to that person. She owes him payment for what she has done by her efforts to undo what was done and by her receiving punishment.

When someone sins against you, he is in debt to you. When we are wronged we immediately grab the sword of revenge and of justice. With this sword we are going to go after the debt we are owed. After all this is our just due! We have good arguments for doing so. As Christians, as we are pursuing him who wronged us, seeking payment of the debt he owes us, we stumble over our own debt, an enormous debt, the debt owed God. Looking behind us we see God pursuing us. He pursues, not with sword in hand. Taking our debt upon himself, Jesus Christ is nailed to the cross. “But Lord,” we want to cry out, “Lord, he owes me. It is my just due.” As we lay before the cross, the words will not come. How can we so cry out to God? How dare we?

The words are so familiar, Jesus’ teaching on prayer. Jesus taught us to ask God to forgive our sins, our debts owed to him. “Forgive us our debts” (Matthew 6:12). We hear his words with gratitude for God’s grace. If only he had stopped there, but he adds a qualifier that bites. This qualifier gives us all kinds of trouble. “As we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). “Lord, treat me how I treat others.” Do I really want to pray this prayer?

Jesus doesn’t leave it there. He explains it. He makes its meaning even clearer. Jesus removes all opportunity of misunderstanding him. “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14-15). Forgiveness is not an option. Forgiving those who sin against us is a command, a requirement. We are held accountable if we refuse to forgive.

William Barclay comments on Jesus’ teaching. “Jesus says in the plainest possible language that if we forgive others, God will forgive us; but if we refuse to forgive others, God will refuse to forgive us. It is, therefore, quite clear that, if we pray this petition with an unhealed breach, an unsettled quarrel in our lives, we are asking God not to forgive us…If we say, ‘I will never forgive so-and-so for what he or she has done to me,’…and then go and take this petition on our lips, we are quite deliberately asking God not to forgive us.”¹

C. S. Lewis writes, “There is no slightest suggestion that we are offered forgiveness on any other terms. It is made perfectly clear that if we do not forgive we shall not be forgiven. There are no two ways about it.”²

Jesus told a parable of a servant who was forgiven a great debt by the king he served.³ The forgiven servant then refused to forgive a fellow servant who owed him a minuscule debt. The king’s compassion and forgiveness came out of the king’s own goodness within his heart. The servant who owed the king a great debt had nothing to bring to his credit other than begging for patience and for more time. The king gave more than was asked. The servant was given complete forgiveness.

When the king heard of the forgiven servant’s refusal to forgive he had the servant brought before him. “‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt.”⁴ Notice that “although the king’s graciousness does not initially depend on the servant’s action, the continuation of his graciousness does.”⁵

Jesus concludes, “So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”⁶ “Because the incongruity of sinners refusing to forgive sinners boggles God’s mind He cannot cope with it, there is no honest way to put up with it.”⁷

Weren’t we once horrified by the dreadfulness of our own sins that nailed Jesus Christ to the cross? Did we not tremble before God in the horrifying reality of our sins, our overwhelming debt to God? God graciously forgave our debt. How can we not forgive those who have sinned against us, who are indebted to us? Forgiven by the blood of Christ how can we arrogantly expect God to continue to forgive us as we refuse to forgive others?

Forgiveness, “every one says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive.”⁸ As you forgive so God forgives you! How we struggle with the teaching of Jesus. We struggle because we do not really know or believe or remember or understand the cost, the freely paid cost, the graciously paid cost, paid by God in forgiving us. We struggle with forgiveness because we do not really know or believe or remember or fully grasp that we were dead in our sins and like the rest of humankind we were by nature children of wrath.⁹

Read Luke’s account of the sinful woman who anointed Jesus’ feet in the home of a Pharisee, Luke 7:36-50. On this occasion Jesus taught that him who is forgiven much will love much the one who forgives him. Of the woman Jesus said, “Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven–for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little” (v. 47).

Our willingness, desire, and courage to forgive will come from a heart grateful to God for the forgiveness received from Him and from others. Horrified by the dreadfulness of our sins that nailed Jesus Christ to the cross, knowing the price God, Christ, and the Spirit paid for our forgiveness, knowing how heavy were and are our sins, knowing the abundance of God’s love and grace in forgiving us, oh how our hearts should be filled with humble gratitude and thanksgiving.

The woman in Luke 7 set aside all thought of herself in showing her penitent heart and love to Christ. In accepting the true nature of our sinfulness and God’s forgiveness of us we will be humbled in our attitude toward others, toward those who sin against us. In gratitude to Christ for his forgiveness of us we will find the desire, the will, and the courage, to set aside our pride, to lay down the sword of vengeance and of getting our just due. With thankfulness and love for Christ, in response to his forgiveness of us, we will find the humility and love to forgive much.

Lord, give us the understanding of the seriousness of your instruction to us. Lord, give us the gratitude toward you for your forgiveness of us. Give us the faith, the trust in you, and the courage, to forgive as you have forgiven us.

____________

¹William Barclay, The Gospel of Matthew, Volume 1 (Chapters 1 to 10), Revised Edition (Philadelphia: The Westminster Press, 1975), 222.                                                                  ²C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (New York: Touchstone, Simon & Schuster, 1996), 104-5.    ³Matthew 18:21-35                                                                                                                ⁴Matthew 18:32-34                                                                                                                ⁵Donald B. Kraybill, Steven M. Nolt, and David L. Weaver-Zercher, Amish Grace, How Forgiveness Transcended Tragedy (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2007), 98.              ⁶Matthew 18:35                                                                                                                        ⁷Lewis B. Smedes, Forgive & Forget, Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve (New York: HarperOne, 1984, 1996), 150.                                                                                               ⁸Lewis, 104.                                                                                                                        ⁹Ephesians 2:1-3